belittled
maligned
outraged.
moral decline, what do you know?
melancholic
powerless
doomed.
social outcast, who gives a fuck?
dead before I took my life away
of pain and painkillers
a nauseating cycle
merry-go-round
euphoria, my 5-minute friend
threw up and i am
down the drain again
unfathomed emptiness
of neurons and delayed reuptakes
clinical
psychological
emotional
you tell me.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Spring
spring--
so pensive yet transitory
a little breezy
a little warm
all the flowers start to bloom
but it makes me feel emptier
as there's just too much room
for consciousness
the bitterness
the aching
i wish i never had
and it's all mine to bear
nostalgia
my hostile companion
~ Rochelle Villaflor, beautifulbruises©
May 2010, Sutton Green
so pensive yet transitory
a little breezy
a little warm
all the flowers start to bloom
but it makes me feel emptier
as there's just too much room
for consciousness
the bitterness
the aching
i wish i never had
and it's all mine to bear
nostalgia
my hostile companion
~ Rochelle Villaflor, beautifulbruises©
May 2010, Sutton Green
f*ck off
don't worry about me
i have a weird way of
getting around things
with my twisted theories
and false philosophies
i'll be alright
so, don't come around
asking how i am
you pathetic
consummate liar
~ beautifulbruises©
October 2010
i have a weird way of
getting around things
with my twisted theories
and false philosophies
i'll be alright
so, don't come around
asking how i am
you pathetic
consummate liar
~ beautifulbruises©
October 2010
no one else
what can i say
you blew me away
beyond my defenses
like no one else.
oh men, i've had a few
but no one struck me
quite like you did
you crossed the border
took over my heart and mind
left me with these earthquakes
and a yearning soul
a bit verbose in speech
but them words flail in the wind
like autumn leaves
all dried up and depleted
my spirit died-
Friday, April 27, 2012
Schwann & Ranvier
"It is so much easier to claim weirdness than beat my brains out trying to rationalize my behavior for acceptance."
As a child who grew up in a dysfunctional family, life was pretty tough. I never had friends because no one could relate to me, that's why it was very difficult reaching out to others.
They were always well-behaved and I wasn't. It was very frustrating that nobody wanted me because they thought I was strange. Well, yeah. I was, a little. If by it you meant cheeky, but not in an evil way. But I was more like the, ''let's hide grandpa's dentures before lunch time!" or "let's put nana's smelly knickers inside dad's lunchbox!"
kind of cheeky. Mwahahaha
I would say the most twisted stuff as a joke, (which I thought was really hilarious btw.) in my seemingly casual attempt at being social. And I would get the most repulsive look. Like, come on you guys, chill. I didn't really mean any harm! It was just my imagination that had, well, strayed a little too far. lol
But whatever, i still think most people have no sense of humor! ;D
I guess, that from being rejected most of the time, I have learned to love being alone. I have never known myself better; reached out to myself, met my own needs, became more introspective and discovered my truths and my art.
Music and poetry have kept me sane, my escape from reality. I was lucky to have been blessed the gift of transcendence in a certain way that prevented me from doing things that would break me or make me lose my sense of purpose. Life is way too complicated and worrying about it would not make it any simpler. If things go wrong, you can always turn it around. It's about choice and having the courage to live through the toughest times with hope and a good laugh. ;)
As a child who grew up in a dysfunctional family, life was pretty tough. I never had friends because no one could relate to me, that's why it was very difficult reaching out to others.
They were always well-behaved and I wasn't. It was very frustrating that nobody wanted me because they thought I was strange. Well, yeah. I was, a little. If by it you meant cheeky, but not in an evil way. But I was more like the, ''let's hide grandpa's dentures before lunch time!" or "let's put nana's smelly knickers inside dad's lunchbox!"
kind of cheeky. Mwahahaha
I would say the most twisted stuff as a joke, (which I thought was really hilarious btw.) in my seemingly casual attempt at being social. And I would get the most repulsive look. Like, come on you guys, chill. I didn't really mean any harm! It was just my imagination that had, well, strayed a little too far. lol
But whatever, i still think most people have no sense of humor! ;D
I guess, that from being rejected most of the time, I have learned to love being alone. I have never known myself better; reached out to myself, met my own needs, became more introspective and discovered my truths and my art.
Music and poetry have kept me sane, my escape from reality. I was lucky to have been blessed the gift of transcendence in a certain way that prevented me from doing things that would break me or make me lose my sense of purpose. Life is way too complicated and worrying about it would not make it any simpler. If things go wrong, you can always turn it around. It's about choice and having the courage to live through the toughest times with hope and a good laugh. ;)
Thursday, April 26, 2012
C9 H13 NO3
Another day. Another ordeal. I always wake up to nothing, but feeling my days are numbered. My life right now is a bit placid. I am missing the turbulence; the arguments, the deadlines, the demands, all the little details that define my purpose. I am very certain that I am more effective amidst pressure. Comfort just doesn't go well with my personality. I guess I was born to squirm. Tranquility scored more as a threat to me than a sign of an evening repose. Like a looming shadow, ready to engulf its unsuspecting victim. Nothing beats a day spent at work, and then coming home tired, ready for a good night's sleep.
'Pleasant exhaustion' is exactly what I call it. :)
~ RochelleVillaflor©2011
The Great Escape
Your own flesh and blood
She got your eyes, you see
But she got her mum's stare
Methamphetamine robbed you off your senses
Turned you into Beelzebub
Slithered like serpent
Revelled in voyeurism
As she shivered in loathing
Slept with knives
Under her pillow
Confined in hysteria
Doodling ghastly images
Plotting her revenge
She murmured,
"To take you down
Or cut my wrist..."
That was her last resort.
~ beautifulbruises©
She got your eyes, you see
But she got her mum's stare
Methamphetamine robbed you off your senses
Turned you into Beelzebub
Slithered like serpent
Revelled in voyeurism
As she shivered in loathing
Slept with knives
Under her pillow
Confined in hysteria
Doodling ghastly images
Plotting her revenge
She murmured,
"To take you down
Or cut my wrist..."
That was her last resort.
~ beautifulbruises©
Ana Esthesia
Red ink on her
Onion skin
Under sheets of
Loosely woven fabric
Apathy
I beseech thee
Befriend me, embrace me.
Clear saline drops
Gushing from her
Pale blue sclera
As though pierced
Catatonia
Seize thy spirit
Hold me, own me.
~RochelleVillaflor©2012
Onion skin
Under sheets of
Loosely woven fabric
Apathy
I beseech thee
Befriend me, embrace me.
Clear saline drops
Gushing from her
Pale blue sclera
As though pierced
Catatonia
Seize thy spirit
Hold me, own me.
~RochelleVillaflor©2012
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